Lean on me
In this first article in a series entitled “The instant life coach”, trainer and motivational speaker Dave Crane advises us to just add one client, two coffees and a packet of biscuits. You’d be surprised how much business can be done – simply by offering a shoulder to cry on!
Nowadays, as you know, all clients expect more for their money’s worth. It wouldn’t surprise me if, somewhere down the line – particularly with long business associations – you might also be required to act as guru, counsellor and life coach.
Fear not, here are some handy tips and techniques to make you look good and help them to feel brilliant too.
Dave Crane, Managing Director, The Life Designers
Ready for your crash course in life coaching? Whether you have had professional training in this field or a lifetime of chatting and watching Sex in the City, people will want your thoughts and advice. The question is:
· What are you going to say?
· How can you guarantee that you can help them without looking silly?
· Do they really want advice, or do they just want to talk about things and feel better?
All of the above are true and if you only have the duration of a coffee to help them, this is how you can do it. Here are seven essential secrets to help you successfully life coach anyone anywhere.
1) The client has all the answers already – they just can’t find them yet.
Imagine a fish swimming around the sea looking for water when it’s actually all around it. That’s exactly how it is for all life’s biggest questions and answers. Keep asking “So what does that mean to you?” and eventually they will know. By then, so will you.
2) Bypass the drama.
They may be driven to tears or laughing so hard it hurts, but regardless of the drama there is more to every story than first meets the eye. Cut to the chase and don’t let the gossip or details go on too long. They are symptoms or examples of the problem, not the problem. Feel free to stop them in mid flow and say “… and the point is what?”
3) Good reasons for bad habits.
Behind every bad habit is a good reason. It’s called secondary gain. This can be “smoking because you take a break” or “eating because you feel comfort”. Ignore their first answers and question everything again. Like peeling an onion, there will be answers within answers and questions you didn’t even consider. Keep digging deeper until you start getting an emotional change in them. When you feel a “eureka” moment – you have probably got to the heart of the problem. A very good reason for doing something very bad to themselves.
4) Don’t judge.
It’s their world, not yours. Everyone is trying to do the best that they can and in their own world they can justify everything, whatever you may feel. There is no right and wrong just useful and not-so useful. Help them choose between these.
5) Rome wasn’t built in a day.
You don’t have to change their life immediately. Sometimes no change at all can be positive, just because it isn’t a negative step backwards. This may seem like a frustrating time to you, but a whole world of progressive good stuff to them.
6) Reframe everything.
Sometimes you can end up with a very negative feeling as home truths come out of the woodwork and family or work skeletons fall out of the closet. There is always something positive which can be found within it. This could be losing a job to find a better one, or ending a business relationship to find a new you. Be prepared to create a positive spin on everything because then it gives them something that they can use to move forward.
7) Ask what’s the worst thing that can happen?
When you are able to appreciate the absolutely worst possible scenario and deal with it mentally, anything else will become a breeze. Ask them to name that situation and then how they would deal with it. When you do this, you have an instant diffusion of a potential future crisis. Then if, by some remote chance, the worst case scenario does happen, they are now at least pre-warned and ready to deal with it.
Dave Crane has worked in Spain, South Africa, Germany, India, France, Greece, Egypt, the Caribbean, Italy and Monaco. He is a Certified NFNLP Hypnotherapist and NLP Master Practitioner and life coach. For more information: www.thelifedesignacademy.com; dave@thelifedesigners.com
Box
Quick tips: How to troubleshoot life
There are 8 main areas in life.
a) Start by scoring the current reality out of 10
1. Life purpose
2. Friends and family
3. Money
4. Happiness
5. Confidence and self-esteem
6. Health
7. Career
8. Romantic relationships
b) Ask what would make a 10 out of 10 score.
c) Make a step-by-step plan to get that perfect 10.
d) Take action.
